Challenges Do Me Justice
My life was never full of glass roses and gold stairs. I’ve had so many challenges in my life. I consider them all heart felt life lessons. They can be good or bad, can be repetitive or new yet challenges make you stronger.
I’ve been going through challenges on repeat like a scratched CD, playing the same part over and over. Fear of the eyes of life is still a problem for me and will always be. What I mean by eyes of life is a person that watches me, who can possibly change my life, makes me nervous. As I walk into the room full of the eyes I gravely fear, I lose all thought. Once their eyes are on me I find myself in a dark room fill with a big eye that has teeth full of words, my heart creates a beat unfamiliar to me, voice crack and eyes get watery.
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I open my mouth the words that are being form come out broken. I just try to remember in my head that fear of intimidation doesn’t come from people thought or their opinion. It comes from the person’s appearance and their expression. The best way for me to ignore the eyes that watch me is to close my eyes and make them disappear. Once I take a deep breath my heartbeats become familiar, voice level outs, eyes dry out and thoughts come back to life.
Insults have all different types. There are bad insults, invisible insults, nice insults, caring insults, intimidation insults, petrified insults, intrepid insults and the list goes on. I have overcome all but one, mean insults. All of my elementary school life, 1 or 2 classmates would always mess with me. If you would see me walking down the street, you would have thought I was a bully but I’m not. I was the one being bullied crying to my mother every night. I no longer cried regular tear these burned my eyes. The way tears are portrayed in movies cause you to believe tears just run off your face but they are actually the same color as your skin. You know why, because they leave a scar deeper than you’ll ever imagine. When I cry I feel like every tear falling down my face was a part of my soul being ripped away from my body. My mother would always tell me sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. As I look at it now that saying it’s such a cliche and they know it. People say it to make themselves or others feel better but it’s said to hide you away from the forms of reality. That form is actually word do hurt and they sting just as much as if someone stabbed you. I’ve been bran with the letters UGLY, black beast, fat, and gorilla. I shed tears for that. I sometimes didn’t even feel like I had a purpose in life. As I looked at these words I realize that they stand for good things. U.G.L.Y = Unique girl live youthfully, B.L.A.C.K B.E.A.S.T = Bold life acts critical and kindly Beauty elevates as stars travel, F.A.T = Fantasy adds tomorrows and G.O.R.I.L.L.A = Greatness over rides ignorant low lives always. All these words don’t affect me anymore because my physical appearance is an accessory to the soul. My soul is what make me, me. I started to realize that the only thing to live for is life and goals. Live for you and the moment that hold you together or even apart.
Good Girl. Figuring out yourself is the hardest when you are a naive doll being pushed by others but the heart you contain inside your body is too sweet. Your heart is nothing more than a confused emotion that helps you feel. You don’t know how to cut people off, you don’t understand how to be cautious, you can act but your heart is nothing but dough, uncooked and has nothing but love inside. Soon you will find your way and then you will truly have the heart of a panther. The panther will be hidden until the emotion gate flings open and unleashes the wrath that you keep inside. This is a challenge I face every day and will still be facing in my adult life no matter how hard I try. Here is a girl that walks around with a smile on her face but that smile is not her own it’s every other face she wants to keep happy. I try to make everyone happy and forget about my pursuit of happiness. I need happiness and to be able to have a smile for once that belong to me and me only. People may see me smile but that is just a masquerade mask my emotions have virtually tattooed upon my face.
These may be situation people go through but they are struggles to me. All I seem to know is fantasy. Fantasy is what keeps me alive. People can make your sprits bright and make you consume the darkness they have brought upon you. Challenges are a mere example of life lessons and I overcome them one by one. Challenges help me close my eyes and follow the words of my stories. All stories I write about is about teens or a family overcoming their struggles and how they became stronger. The stories I write help me overcome my own challenges and problems in the lives of our generation, who are next to step up to the plate. Now as I think about it, if my life was filled with glass roses and gold stairs it would never make a difference it would just be an accessory.