Ingredients for Divorce Rachel Warren Lake Michigan College Ingredients for Divorce Marriage symbolizes a unity between two people. Some marriages last and for others result in divorce. Divorce is the legal separation of two people who must break their vows because they no longer want the marriage to continue. Divorce is not the exception anymore it is almost the norm. Couples have lived together for many years and were able to make a living and a relationship. Then all of a sudden they want a divorce.
Sometimes these divorces can be polite but many times they degrade into childish fighting. It is interesting to discuss the topic of divorce because almost all of us either know someone who has gotten divorced or were once married ourselves. We had the best of intentions and true desire to make the relationship work. Yet alas they did not work out in the way we wanted them to and people do not know why.
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An estimated fourth to fifty percent of marriages end in divorce in the United States. What do we have to blame for this outrageous number? Many marriages end in numerous different ways.The most prominent causes of divorce are lack of communication, getting married too young and not knowing the person, early marriages resulting from unplanned pregnancies, and unfaithfulness.
Whatever happened to a lifelong commitment? Communication or lack thereof is a major cause for divorce in America today. You always hear people talking about how marriages or even relationships are built around communication. But what exactly does communication mean? I believe that communication is the revealing of thoughts or ideas and is an important aspect of all relationships.It is also the backbone to a stable marriage. It is not only important to communicate, but to know how to do it effectively. In order to have an effective communication with your spouse, you should try to be as open as possible with them. You should express all emotions and feelings, even if you think that they are stupid, dumb, or that your spouse would not like what you have to say.
“I came from a family that was open with our feelings and how we felt and my ex-husband did not. So when we got married there was not any effective communication going on and we eventually got divorced” Angel, 2010). Unfortunately, talking with your spouse is low on the priority list. With the demands home, children (for some couples), and work, couples tend to put communication on the back burner. They tend to put off telling one another how they feel and if something is brothering them until “tomorrow”. If most couples are like my husband and I, then “tomorrow” never comes. There are certain skills needed to be able to hold a decent conversation without arguing and creating a conflict.
Patience and understanding are very important.Unfortunately today’s fast paced lifestyle will eventually take its toll and come to an end. The marriage is usually the first to suffer if effective communication is not present in the relationship. The marriage will start to suffer and it will slowly weaken, most of the time, leading to divorce. Getting married too young along with not knowing the person is another cause of divorce in America. You hear people use the expression “age is but a number” all of the time. That saying is true, except when it pertains to marriage.
But in all reality, what does that expression mean? To me, it means that age is just a number. That is does not matter what other people think or say as long as you are happy with the relationship you are in. Yet, whenever people see my rings on my finger almost all of them say that I am too young to be married. So tell me this; why is that expression acceptable when people just dating, but not acceptable once they get married? You hear people argue that couples who get married too young or do not know each other well enough to be getting married are making a bad decision.They say that the couples are not “settled,” “financially stable,” or “mature” enough yet to be getting married. That the couples do not have steady careers or understand what it takes to make a marriage work. Although I personally do not agree with all of it, I do believe that it does pertain to some marriages and it can eventually lead to divorce.
Take for example my friend Whitney. She dated a guy, Mike, for two years during high school. Soon after graduation they got married. She is now divorced from Mike and is remarried to another guy.Was her first marriage a failure of being too young and not knowing the guy; or were there some other factors that lead to the demise of their marriage? Most people would argue that the leading cause for their divorce was that they were too young and that they did not know each other well enough in the first place to have gotten married. But who is to say that they did not know each other well enough or that they were too young? Which leads me to these two questions; what is the right age to get married and how long should you be with that person before you get married? A recent study indicates that the most stable marriages of all have a “starting date” of twenty-eight years of age” (Warren, 2008, para. 5).
As for how long you should be with someone before you get married; I do not think anyone really has that answer. I remember when I ran into a friend of mine at Martins. She seen the engagement ring on my finger and asked how long we had been together. When I told her six months, she looked at me in amazement. She said six months that is all? I have been with my boyfriend for two and a half years and I do not even have a promise ring yet.Although divorce will continue to largely exist in the lives of young Americans, a vast population of unmarried you adults had emerged to transform the country’s demographic landscape. Most early marriages are a result of an unplanned pregnancy.
When you combine the two together, the end result is usually divorce. With the birth of an unexpected child, come unexpected responsibilities. With this sudden amount of responsibility placed on the new parents, it could cause many problems within the relationship. Those problems could lead to divorce.In the case that the couple is young, the new parents might be forced to leave school and work more to produce sufficient funds needed for the survival of the family. The interruption of one’s schooling could cause disappointment in the student and the student’s family. Because the marriage was unplanned, there will be many obstacles that the newlyweds will have to face that they probably would not have expected.
I know a girl who got pregnant her senior year of high school. At that time the father of the baby was only a junior. After he graduated they ended up getting married.About a year later they were divorced. In some cases, early marriages are not the result of an unplanned pregnancy. Sometimes an unexpected death can lead to an early marriage if the couple had children top begin with. Take my mother-in-law for example.
When her late husband died unexpectedly, she remarried about a year later. She felt that it was in the best interest of her children to do so. They are no longer married today. Her early marriage to her second husband, eventually lead them to the road of divorce. Unfaithfulness is a big problem in American society today and is a very obvious cause of divorce.Cheating is one of the most hurtful things that can happen to a relationship or marriage. We feel abused, worthless, and betrayed.
Our own pride and sense of self-worth is damaged when a partner cheats on us. The damage to our ego caused by cheating, forces us not just to reject, but to push away the one we once love who has caused all of the pain. This, in return leads couples to file for divorce. “He told me that he needed his space. Then three weeks later he moved in with her and her three kids. We got divorced because he committed adultery” (Linda, 2010).When people take their vow’s they promise themselves to their partner for the rest of their lives.
But some people do not really take that vow seriously. They decide to go on the prowl again, not caring if what they are doing is hurting their loved one. Cheating is much more common in today’s culture. You see and hear about it all of the time in the media. Whether it is on the internet or the television, it is out there in the open for all to see. The internet makes it easier for spouses to cheat on one another without the other one knowing.You have facebook, myspace, myyearbook, and so many other sites out there that require a password, people can easily have secret relationships with others, without their spouses knowing.
With the television, you always hear stories about how this celebrity cheated on their husband or wife, like recently with Tiger Woods’ situation. Today, people see very young stars all the time on the television and internet, and it makes them start dreading being “tied down”. In today’s society everyone is focused on a career. Couples are out of the house eight to nine hours a day, which gives them ample time to cheat.There are many reasons why people get divorced in America today. But the most common causes are lack of communication, getting married too young and not knowing the person, early marriages resulting from unplanned pregnancies, and unfaithfulness. If people would take the time to learn how to effectively communicate with their spouses, or just in general, then many conflicts could be resolved.
If people would wait until they were older and knew the other person better they got married, most of those marriages would probably last.If people would not rush into early marriages because of unexpected occurrences, those marriages, too, would last longer and not result in divorce. If people would not cheat on their spouses, more than likely, those marriages would not end in divorce either. Divorce is such an ugly word but you hear it repeatedly in today’s society. The vow’s of marriage has lost its value. People are getting married more than five times during their lives. The sanctity of marriage is not very sacred anymore.
If this continues, marriages will lose all meaning to it. If someone wants to get married they need to really focus on what marriage is about.