Emotional Intelligence and Nonverbal Communication

1 January 2017

What is emotional intelligence used for? I think it is used for a lot of things and it is also good to have emotional intelligence. If you have bad emotional intelligence you can lose your temper easily or become sad. This can lead to eating disorders, violent crimes, and early pregnancy. Emotional intelligence are different then a lot of other intelligence. A lot of people know what being creative or being smart is, but a lot don’t fully understand what emotional intelligence is. If you don’t have any emotional intelligence you could hurt yourself or someone else.

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I don’t think that emotional intelligence is important to you for your overall intelligence. The more emotional intelligence you have, I think the better person that you are, not more intelligent. Someone with a bad emotional intelligence you wouldn’t want to be around all of the time because they could be mean or depressed all the time. If someone had good emotional intelligences the person can control their emotions better in different situations. Emotional intelligence is just a small part of what makes a person intelligent and more impor to their personality.

People react differently in different situations. For example, someone might be a leader on the basketball court, but then follow someone in his or her math group. There are to many different people in the world to determine their emotional intelligence from twelve questions. I believe that most of these tests are used for entertainment. The questions asked don’t cover every aspect of life. The test is just for entertainment and to give you a broad view of your intelligence. Emotional intelligence is important to a person, but not as important to your overall intelligence.

It can cause some people to have eating disorders, to commit crimes, or to have early pregnancies. There are many different tests that you can take to measure your emotional intelligence. 1. WHAT IS EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE There are many possible definitions of emotional intelligence, and many definitions can be found in literature. Many of these definitions stem from the popularizations of emotional intelligence found in the popular press and in popular books… A clear and scientifically useful definition of emotional intelligence, however, is recognizeable because it takes the terms emotion and intelligence seriously.

That is, the meaning of emotional intelligence has something specific to do with the intelligent intersection of the emotions and thoughts. For example:Emotional intelligence represents an ability to validly reason with emotions and to use emotions to enhance thought. A more formal define EI as the capacity to reason about emotions, and of emotions to enhance thinking. It includes the abilities to accurately perceive emotions, to access and generate emotions so as to assist thought, to understand emotions and emotional knowledge, and to reflectively regulate emotions so as to promote emotional and intellectual growth.

Here is another definition: Emotional intelligence refers to an ability to recognize the meanings of emotion and their relationships, and to reason and problem-solve on the basis of them. Emotional intelligence is involved in the capacity to perceive emotions, assimilate emotion-related feelings, understand the information of those emotions, and manage them. Emotion refers to a feeling state (including physiological responses and cognitions) that conveys information about relationships. For example, happiness is a feeling state that also conveys information about relationships — typically, that one would like to join with others.

Similarly, fear is a feeling state that corresponds to a relationship — the urge to flee others. Intelligence refers to the capacity to reason validly about information. For example: Verbal intelligence concerns the mental ability to reason with and about verbal information, and of verbal knowledge to enhance thought. Spatial intelligence concerns the mental ability to reason with and about spatial information (i. e. , the shape of objects and their orientation in space), and of spatial knowledge to enhance thought. 1. 1 The Four Branch Model of Emotional Intelligence

The four branch model of emotional intelligence describes four areas of capacities or skills that collectively describe many of areas of emotional intelligence. More specifically, this model defines emotional intelligence as involving the abilities to: • accurately perceive emotions in oneself and others • use emotions to facilitate thinking • understand emotional meanings, and • manage emotions By the late 1980’s, psychologists, evolutionary biologists, psychiatrists, computer scientists, and others, had identified a number of human capacities involved in identifying and understanding emotions.

One means of organizing the many research contributions was to divide them into different areas according to the nature of the abilities they examined. In 1990, Salovey and I proposed that these abilities made up a unitary emotional intelligence. We further suggested that emotional intelligence (and the research that pertained to it) could be divided into three broad areas (and further sub-areas). After further reviews, we saw the need to add an additional area. Perceiving emotion. The initial, most basic, area has to do with the nonverbal reception and expression of emotion.

Evolutionary biologists and psychologists have pointed out that emotional expression evolved in animal species as a form of crucial social communication. Facial expressions such as happiness, sadness, anger, and fear, were universally recognizable in human beings. Emotions researchers, evolutionary biologists, specialists in nonverbal behavior, and others, have made tremendous inroads into understanding how human beings recognize and express emotions. The capacity to accurately perceive emotions in the face or voice of others provides a crucial starting point for more advanced understanding of emotions.

Using emotions to facilitate thought. The second area appeared every bit as basic as the first. This was the capacity of the emotions to enter into and guide the cognitive system and promote thinking. For example, cognitive scientists pointed out that emotions prioritize thinking. In other words: something we respond to emotionally, is something that grabs our attention. Having a good system of emotional input, therefore, should helped direct thinking toward matters that are truly important.

As a second example, a number of researchers have suggested that emotions are important for certain kinds of creativity to emerge. For example, both mood swings, and positive moods, have been implicated in the capacity to carry out creative thought. Understanding emotions. Emotions convey information: Happiness usually indicates a desire to join with other people; anger indicates a desire to attack or harm others; fear indicates a desire to escape, and so forth. Each emotion conveys its own pattern of possible messages, and actions associated with those messages.

A message of anger, for example, may mean that the individual feels treated unfairly. The anger, in turn, might be associated with specific sets of possible actions: peacemaking, attacking, retribution and revenge-seeking, or withdrawal to seek calmness. Understanding emotional messages and the actions associated with them is one important aspect of this area of skill. Once a person can identify such messages and potential actions, the capacity to reason with and about those emotional messages and actions becomes of importance as well.

Fully understanding emotions, in other words, involves the comprehension of the meaning of emotions, coupled with the capacity to reason about those meanings. It is central to this group of emotionally intelligent skills. Managing emotions. Finally, emotions often can be managed. A person needs to understand emotions convey information. To the extent that it is under voluntary control, a person may want to remain open to emotional signals so long as they are not too painful, and block out those that are overwhelming.

In between, within the person’s emotional comfort zone, it becomes possible to regulate and manage one’s own and others’ emotions so as to promote one’s own and others’ personal and social goals. The means and methods for emotional self-regulation has become a topic of increasing research in this decade. [pic] 1. 2 Relation of the Models to the Popularizations The first formal model of emotional intelligence — the 1990 model — was the one Daniel Goleman relied on in his popularization of the field — although his representation of the model was quite a bit broader and more expansive than our original (Goleman, 1995, p. 3). Dr. Goleman’s book is a lively, entertaining journalistic account that covers many interesting studies. His enlargement of our model, however, had the unfortunate effect, of suggesting to some that nearly every human style or capacity that was not IQ itself was a part of emotional intelligence. These included motives, social skills, all forms of self-regulation, and warmth, among many other attributes. The problem with this idea is that those different psychological qualities are separate and independent from one another — both conceptually and empirically (e. g. they do not correlate). Moreover, most of them have little to do directly and specifically either with emotion or intelligence. Lumping them together created considerable conceptual confusion. Today, such models are called “mixed models,” as they mix many attributes unrelated to emotion, intelligence, or emotional intelligence, in with the emotional intelligence concept. 1. 3 Who Is Emotionally Intelligent – And Does It Matter? Generally speaking, emotional intelligence improves an individual’s social effectiveness. The higher the emotional intelligence, the better the social relations.

In a recent review, my colleagues and I described the emotionally intelligent person in these terms: The high EI individual, most centrally, can better perceive emotions, use them in thought, understand their meanings, and manage emotions, than others. Solving emotional problems likely requires less cognitive effort for this individual. The person also tends to be somewhat higher in verbal, social, and other intelligences, particularly if the individual scored higher in the understanding emotions portion of EI. The individual tends to be more open and agreeable than others.

The high EI person is drawn to occupations involving social interactions such as teaching and counseling more so than to occupations involving clerical or administrative tasks. The high EI individual, relative to others, is less apt to engage in problem behaviors, and avoids self-destructive, negative behaviors such as smoking, excessive drinking, drug abuse, or violent episodes with others. The high EI person is more likely to have possessions of sentimental attachment around the home and to have more positive social interactions, particularly if the individual scored highly on emotional management.

Such individuals may also be more adept at describing motivational goals, aims, and missions. (Mayer, Salovey, & Caruso, 2004, p. 210) Note that the specific kind of boost that emotional intelligence gives the individual will be subtle, and as a consequence, require some effort to identify. It will not be exhibited in all social circumstances. Some of us accomplish certain tasks with great ease and sophistication; others of us simply can’t do those tasks. This is the case with most challenges we face in life. Some of us are great chess players while others of us have trouble just figuring out how the pieces move.

Some of us are fabulous conversationalists, while others of us have trouble just saying hello. Now, the world could do without the game of chess, and the world could do without fabulous conversationalists, but it would be a poorer place for it. Emotional intelligence is an intelligence having to do with discerning and understanding emotional information. Emotional information is all around us. Emotions communicate basic feeling states from one individual to another — they signal urgent messages such as “let’s get together” or “I am hurting” or “I’m going to hurt you. What ability tests of emotional intelligence tell us is that only some people can pick up and understand and appreciate the more subtle versions of those messages. That is, only the high EI individual understands the full richness and complexities of these communications. Emotional information is crucial. It is one of the primary forms of information that human beings process. That doesn’t mean that everybody has to process it well. But it does mean that it is circulating around us, and certain people who can pick up on it can perform certain tasks very well that others cannot perform.

We all need emotional intelligence to help us through our emotionally demanding days. Even if we are not emotionally intelligent ourselves, we may rely on those higher in emotional intelligence to guide us. But guide us to what? What is it that people high in emotional intelligence can see that so many others are blind to? The key to this lies in what those high in emotional intelligence are particularly good at doing themselves. They’re particularly good at establishing positive social relationships with others, and avoiding conflicts, fights, and other social altercations.

They’re particularly good at understanding psychologically healthy living and avoiding such problems as drugs and drug abuse. It seems likely that such individuals, by providing coaching advice to others, and by directly involving themselves in certain situations, assist other individuals and groups of people to live together with greater harmony and satisfaction. So, perhaps even more important than scoring high on an emotional intelligence test, is knowing one’s level at this group of skills.

Discovering one’s level means that you can know whether and how much to be self-reliant in emotional areas, and when to seek others’ help in reading the emotional information that is going on around oneself. Whether one is high or low in emotional intelligence, is perhaps not as important as knowing that emotional information exists and that some people can understand it. Knowing just that, one can use emotional information, by finding those who are able to understand it and reason with it. This is the information age. All of us are dependent on information and using it wisely.

The advent of the ability model of emotional intelligence enriches our knowledge of the information surrounding us — it tells us emotional information is there and that some people can see it and use it. The model encourages all of us to use emotional information wisely — whether through our own direct understanding, or through the assistance of those who do understand. 2. Emotional development: How to raise your emotional intelligence Most of us know that there is a world of difference between knowledge and behavior, or applying that knowledge to make changes in our lives.

There are many things we may know and want to do, but don’t or can’t when we’re under pressure. This is especially true when it comes to emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is not learned in the standard intellectual way; it must be learned and understood on an emotional level. We can’t simply read about emotional intelligence or master it through memorization. In order to learn about emotional intelligence in a way that produces change, we need to engage the emotional parts of the brain in ways that connect us to others. This kind of learning is based on what we see, hear, and feel.

Intellectual understanding is an important first step, but the development of emotional intelligence depends on sensory, nonverbal learning and real-life practice. Developing emotional intelligence through five key skills: Emotional intelligence consists of five key skills, each building on the last: • Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 1: The ability to quickly reduce stress. • Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 2: The ability to recognize and manage your emotions. • Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 3: The ability to connect with others using nonverbal communication. Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 4: The ability to use humor and play to deal with challenges. • Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 5: The ability to resolve conflicts positively and with confidence. The five skills of emotional intelligence can be learned by anyone, at anytime. But there is a difference between learning about emotional intelligence and applying that knowledge to your life. Just because you know you should do something doesn’t mean you will – especially when you’re feeling stressed. This is especially true when it comes to the skills of emotional intelligence. Raising your emotional intelligence by engaging your emotions

When you become overwhelmed by stress, the emotional parts of your brain override the rational parts-hijacking your best-laid plans, intentions, and strategies. In order to permanently change behavior in ways that stand up under pressure, you need to learn how to take advantage of the powerful emotional parts of the brain that remain active and accessible even in times of stress. This means that you can’t simply read about emotional intelligence in order to master it. You have to learn the skills on a deeper, emotional level—experiencing and practicing them in your everyday life.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 1: Rapidly reduce stress When we’re under high levels of stress, rational thinking and decision making go out the window. Runaway stress overwhelms the mind and body, getting in the way of our ability to accurately “read” a situation, hear what someone else is saying, be aware of our own feelings and needs, and communicate clearly. The first key skill of emotional intelligence is the ability to quickly calm yourself down when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Being able to manage stress in the moment is the key to resilience.

This emotional intelligence skill helps you stay balanced, focused, and in control–no matter what challenges you face. Stress busting: functioning well in the heat of the moment Develop your stress busting skills by working through the following three steps: • Realize when you’re stressed – The first step to reducing stress is recognizing what stress feels like. Many of us spend so much time in an unbalanced state that we’ve forgotten what it feels like to be calm and relaxed. • Identify your stress response – Everyone reacts differently to stress. Do you tend to space out and get depressed?

Become angry and agitated? Freeze with anxiety? The best way to quickly calm yourself depends on your specific stress response. • Discover the stress busting techniques that work for you – The best way to reduce stress quickly is through the senses: through sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. But each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are soothing to you. Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 2: Connect to your emotions The second key skill of emotional intelligence is having a moment-to-moment awareness of your emotions and how they influence your thoughts and actions.

Emotional awareness is the key to understanding yourself and others. Many people are disconnected from their emotions–especially strong core emotions such as anger, sadness, fear, and joy. But although we can distort, deny, or numb our feelings, we can’t eliminate them. They’re still there, whether we’re aware of them or not. Unfortunately, without emotional awareness, we are unable to fully understand our own motivations and needs, or to communicate effectively with others. What kind of a relationship do you have with your emotions? Do you experience feelings that flow, encountering one emotion after another as your experiences change from moment to moment? • Are your emotions accompanied by physical sensations that you experience in places like your stomach or chest? • Do you experience discrete feelings and emotions, such as anger, sadness, fear, joy, each of which is evident in subtle facial expressions? • Can you experience intense feelings that are strong enough to capture both your attention and that of others? • Do you pay attention to your emotions? Do they factor into your decision making?

If any of these experiences are unfamiliar, your emotions may be turned down or turned off. In order to be emotionally healthy and emotionally intelligent, you must reconnect to your core emotions, accept them, and become comfortable with them. Emotional intelligence skill (EQ) 3: Nonverbal communication Being a good communicator requires more than just verbal skills. Oftentimes, what we say is less important than how we say it or the other nonverbal signals we send out. In order to hold the attention of others and build connection and trust, we need to be aware of and in control of our nonverbal cues.

We also need to be able to accurately read and respond to the nonverbal cues that other people send us. Nonverbal communication is the third skill of emotional intelligence. This wordless form of communication is emotionally driven. It asks the questions: “Are you listening? ” and “Do you understand and care? ” Answers to these questions are expressed in the way we listen, look, move, and react. Our nonverbal messages will produce a sense of interest, trust, excitement, and desire for connection–or they will generate fear, confusion, distrust, and disinterest. Part of improving nonverbal communication involves paying attention to: Eye contact • Facial expression • Tone of voice • Posture and gesture • Touch • Timing and pace Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 4: Use humor and play to deal with challenges Humor, laughter, and play are natural antidotes to life’s difficulties. They lighten our burdens and help us keep things in perspective. A good hearty laugh reduces stress, elevates mood, and brings our nervous system back into balance. The ability to deal with challenges using humor and play is the fourth skill of emotional intelligence. Playful communication broadens our emotional intelligence and helps us: • Take hardships in stride.

By allowing us to view our frustrations and disappointments from new perspectives, laughter and play enable us to survive annoyances, hard times, and setbacks. • Smooth over differences. Using gentle humor often helps us say things that might be otherwise difficult to express without creating a flap. • Simultaneously relax and energize ourselves. Playful communication relieves fatigue and relaxes our bodies, which allows us to recharge and accomplish more. • Become more creative. When we loosen up, we free ourselves of rigid ways of thinking and being, allowing us to get creative and see things in new ways.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 5: Resolve conflict positively Conflict and disagreements are inevitable in relationships. Two people can’t possibly have the same needs, opinions, and expectations at all times. However, that needn’t be a bad thing! Resolving conflict in healthy, constructive ways can strengthen trust between people. When conflict isn’t perceived as threatening or punishing, it fosters freedom, creativity, and safety in relationships. The ability to manage conflicts in a positive, trust-building way is the fifth key skill of emotional intelligence.

Successfully resolving differences is supported by the previous four skills of emotional intelligence. Once you know how to manage stress, stay emotionally present and aware, communicate nonverbally, and use humor and play, you’ll be better equipped to handle emotionally-charged situations and catch and defuse many issues before they escalate. Tips for resolving conflict in a trust-building way: • Stay focused in the present. When we are not holding on to old hurts and resentments, we can recognize the reality of a current situation and view it as a new opportunity for resolving old feelings about conflicts. • Choose your arguments.

Arguments take time and energy, especially if you want to resolve them in a positive way. Consider what is worth arguing about and what is not. • Forgive. If you continue to be hurt or mistreated, protect yourself. But someone else’s hurtful behavior is in the past, remember that conflict resolution involves giving up the urge to punish. • End conflicts that can’t be resolved. It takes two people to keep an argument going. You can choose to disengage from a conflict, even if you still disagree. Conclusion I believe that emotional intelligence is knowlegde that can not be fed to someone with books or teachings.

It has to be recognized and learned through one’s self and experiences. Having emotional intelligence is being a different type of smart. No matter what your grade point average is or your ranking status at work, it does not mean that you internally have a good level of emotional intelligence. I don’t think emotional intelligence means, “being nice” or “let it all hang out” emotionally, but rather an intuition of managing feelings so that they are expressed appropriately and effectively which will ulimately lessen the friction in social and corporate relations.

Thourgh goleman’s emotional intelligence these concepts of intelligence were very easy for me to understand. I believe that Goleman had a very up front approach to the subject which he reflected in his straight forward writing. Overall the book really opened my eyes to the effects of emotional intelligence on individual’s, group’s, organization’s, and corporation’s overall success. Having these compacities allows us to survive life with our humanity and sanity intact no matter what the situation. True emotional intelligence is not about manipulating people.

Emotional intelligence means knowing what you and others are feeling and acting ethically, with a social conscience. In other words, book smarts and people smarts may be of equal value but emotional intelligence is what makes certain people stand out. These people seem to have “it” together; they are a graceful balance of intellect and emotion. They inspire, lead, and make others feel good about themselves while maintaining their own integrity and sense of personal worth. No one is diminished by being in his or her presence. On the contrary, we all wish we could be more like them.

People with emotional intelligence have an unshakable confidence in themselves, which comes from self-knowledge and self-honesty. They know that their personal happiness is up to them and no one else. Instead of labeling other people and their actions, they check their emotions first. People with emotional intelligence look out for their well being as well as that of others. They understand that life is not just about them; it’s about balance. References 1. Bar-On, Reuven, & Parker, James D. A. (2000). The handbook of emotional intelligence. New York: Jossey-Bass. 2. Goleman, Daniel. (1995). Emotional intelligence.

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