Family reflection BY mk21366 Family is one of the primitive institutions in society. Its organization and the relationship between generations shape values formation, economic outcomes and may even influences national institutions. This primitive institution though is also a group of people who interact and influence each other. The family that will be presented in this paper, let’s call them the Adams family is a four member family that the writer of the present knows for nearly 20 years. Mr. Adams is the owner of a company and he is a well respected person in the specific business despite.
He has never attended University. Mrs. Adams is a c. o. executive in a multinational company, ever since her University graduation and she is also considered to be a successful professional. They are the parents of two male aged 24 and 26 and were married around the age of 25. Their eldest son works in his father company and the youngest lives and works abroad. Mr. Adams comes from a troubled family, he has one brother, with whom no contact exists for many years, and their mother was the second wife of their father.
Family reflection Essay Example
His father was a troubled man compulsively Jealous of his ife often psychologically abusing his wife and he had beaten her twice one of them was in front of Mr. Adams who protected her and threaten his warned his father never to do so again. His mother was a traditional passive person nearly unable to support and protect herself and believed that men have every right to be authoritative. His father’s Jealousy for his second wife was rationalized due his first wife’s cheating on him with his brother. His father owned a company in the same field Mr. Adams is activated and his mother a housewife.
Mrs. Adams comes also rom a troubled family, her father was a gambler and her mother was an alcoholic, to this alcoholic woman Mr. and Mrs. Adams assigned the care giving of their children. She had a fatal stroke in the kids’ presence 14 years ago. Mrs. Adams father was an accountant who was prematurely retired because of a heart condition due his weight and ner mother was a nousewite. Her tamer’s gambling and early retirement caused financial problems and insecurity to the family, Mr. Adams who was working at the family business supported Mrs. Adams during her studies at the University.
Both Mr. and Mrs. Adams used to work long hours and were determined to succeed in their professions and earn us more money as possible. They always valued powerful and rich people and put great effort to improve their social status and they have achieved that. Their way of living has been, rather superficial following the trends of the Greek society over the recent years. They live in a 300 m 2 house in the suburb, travelling a lot to exotic places and in general live a luxury life. They value and respect others on the basis of their financial and social status, especially Mrs.
Adams, and this has ffected also their children who quite often refer to their housekeeper as the “slave”, the specific housekeeper is an educated woman a financial refugee from the former Soviet Union. None of the children ever attended university or was keen to be an educated person and until recently they all lived under the same roof. When their eldest son reached the adolescent years he presented symptoms of deviant behavior including marihuana use, arrests for graffiti and aggressive behavior. Two years ago Mr. Adams discovered that his youngest son was a heroin user.
He found out about he addiction only because of the fact that his son fell into o comma. Until that day he had not realized anything even though they lived and worked together. Mrs. Adams on the other hand knew all about the problem, her son had written a letter he passed to his mother, in this letter he admitted his addiction and asked for her help. In her point of view she was helping him trying to spend time with him, something that she did not use to do before, going out with him, hiding the problem from her husband and not consulting a specialist. As mentioned above both Mr. and Mrs.
Adams, worked hard to achieve a better social and economical status spending limited time with their children, even on holidays. They promoted a life style for their children which was based on their suppressed childhood wishes like piano and painting lessons and complained when the children refused to go along. Mr. Adams was dominated by his own father and grew up in a severe environment where strict rules were applied. Those rules originated from his father’s need to have absolute control on his wife and his fear that she might cheat on him, a fear he felt until the day died t the age of 85, always suspecting that Mr.
Adams was covering up his mother. As a father Mr. Adams was determined not to be strict at all, he claims that he tried to have an open and trusted relation with his children and never doubted or checked on them. This attitude did not change even when both children failed in their school exams for the first time. Nobody bothered to improve their educational level, instead the children were sent to a luxury summer camping while Mr. and Mrs. Adams left for their holiday trip.
No rules were set even after a call from the local police station here the eldest son was taken after he was caught for graffiti on private property. Graffiti on public and private property was his idea of entertainment. The relation of Mr. and Mrs. Adams could be characterized as a detached one, they both have been involved in intimate relations with other people, and this was a situation they both knew but avoid discussing about it. They only talked about separation twice over the years but decided to continue their marriage for their children’s shake.
Her relation with her children was also detached, both children from time to time omplained in public mentioning that sne did not use to caress them, or cook tor them, or that when she and her husband were away for vacation she used to ask the housekeeper not to work during her absence despite that the two children were living at home, or that she used to call and remind them to take care of the dog in a way that really bothered them; you two animals take care of my baby. She is a superficial fashion victim acting always in a trendy way. The eldest son remembers that she used to tie his brother with a leash as soon as he started walking.
Mrs. Adams was surprised of her son’s memory of a fact she had forgotten and besides that was trendy back then as she said. She also believes that when you do not speak about a problem this does no longer exist or will automatically go away. Based on this belief she thought that if she would spend time with her son, his addiction problem would go away. She also claimed fear that her husband would leave her if he found out about this, so he persuaded her other son not to reveal the problem. Both parents did not notice the change in their son’s behavior or felt comfortable with xcuses that he was tired when he was “distracted”.
They both were upset when the father found out about the addiction. Mrs. , Adams as a mother kept a close relation with her youngest son, whom she manipulated completely. Both parents had a strange attitude towards their children; they never set rules or limits trusting that their children would behave as adults and on the other hand whenever a threat to their marriage would appear they both claimed that they should stay married for their children shake and that their children need them. About a year ago Mr. Adams decided to leave his home and ask for a divorce. Mrs. Adams talked him out of this; one of her arguments was their addicted son.
Their son was already living in another country, had long ago overcome the withdrawal symptoms of his addiction, he was and still is regularly seeing a therapist, he lives with a woman with whom he has an intimate relation and recently he got a better Job at customer service of a multinational company of consumable products. The eldest son of the family works in his father’s company and six months ago he moved out the family house to live with a girl he is related to, something that did not make his parents happy, they both entioned their children leaving home made them realize that they are getting older.
This increased the anxiety they experience due to the economical recession. All their life has been concentrated about pursuing of prosperity, a prosperity which of course they shared with their children. And this was their main role in the family. They considered their children education and culture as part of their social status and never really wondered what the children themselves would like to do with their lives. The difficulties the children faced at school did not alarm the parents, besides here was always the possibility of inheriting their father’s business.
The parents had unresolved issues from their childhood. Issues, they never faced not even when the Greek therapist of their son pointed out that they should. They all felt relief when their son decided to move to another country, the parents because they would not be obliged to be part of problem solving and thus they would not be obliged to face their repressed difficulties, and the eldest son relieved his guilt because in a way he was the one who introduced his brother to drugs. This family has a weak ierarchy, and usually avoids conflict and definitely avoids facing their problems and the work on them.
The parents were trapped with the children and are unable to resolve the contlict between them. Due to the structure ot their tamilies Mr. and M Adams thought that they were autonomous persons, but they seem to have confused autonomy with isolation. Both of them react with an immature way, and think that the change of scenery will automatically resolve any conflict. They both refuse to resolve their issues and bring to the present the problems of the past. They seem nable to handle the stress and in cases of crisis their anxiety is out of control.
The eldest son also avoids facing and resolving his own issues. The only person in the family who tries to find a way to deal with his problems is the youngest son. He was the most vulnerable person and desperately looking for help. As he was disappointed from his family attitude and unwillingness to face the problem he decided to leave the country, ask for help abroad; find out who he really is and what he wants to do with his life. Amazingly the most vulnerable one seems to be the most willing and determined person to face and resolve his issues.