Identity Crisis

1 January 2017

We were all going into this together, not knowing what the outcome of the situation would be but, knew that things were suddenly going to change whether we were ready for it or not. It was bound to happen. At this time, I was a middle schooler just starting at a school that I knew very little people at the time. We all didn’t know what to expect being the first time that we all were going to a school were there would be older students also in attendance. I myself was never really afraid of anyone older but as a 12 year old, you really were looking at all the negatives of the situation.

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Luckily for me, I wasn’t able to start school the first 2 weeks because my family was debating on whether we were moving or not so my parents didn’t want me to start at a school and then leave right away. So I missed the hardest part about starting at a new school which is finding new friends to hang out with. By this time, I had old elementary school friends calling me and texting me asking where I was because I was supposed to be going to that school. I told them my situation and they said that they would be waiting for me to start schools so we could all start this adventure together.

When I did start, I was welcomed into the “popular” group because I knew most of the kids that it consisted of and the others welcomed me in like they had already known who I was. It was honestly one of the best feelings that I had ever had as a kid and I was loving every single bit of it. As time came along in the year, I began meeting new people and doing things that I had yet to do before. I even became a part of the school’s flag football, track and basketball teams. The basketball team had the biggest effect on me.

I began playing with a group of kids who had seemed to already know each other and had a general interest of playing basketball. I was very happy to be a part of that but I was happy with the position that I had soon realized that I was in. It slowly dawned on me as the season started to begin that the couch and all the player were very familiar with each other. I was basically the “odd man out” and didn’t know what my place would be on a team that had already gotten to know each other. I wanted to be a starter on that team but I wasn’t.

They had found their line-up already and I wasn’t a part of it. I didn’t like this so a slowly started proving myself with those who weren’t aware of what I was capable of doing with the basketball skills that I possessed. So I quickly made my way into the starting line up and from there, we started winning game by game and eventually became the Middle School champions in our county. The first team to do that with an undefeated record. As the school became aware of their boys teams accomplishments, they held a celebration assembly and team luncheon.

Kids from the school learned who all of us were and everything was absolutely great from there, Until the next year when we returned as 7th graders and had to prove ourselves once again. When it came time for the basketball team try-outs, every player that was on the previous years team was there willing to fight for another championship. There were more kids there that wanted to be a part of the team that weren’t there last year and they were willing to do anything in their will to make the team and contend.

The problem soon arose that the players trying out felt as if last years team was over confident in themselves. I myself had not had a problem with the newer kids trying out because they were all friends of mine but things started to get so heated that I quickly found myself in between my friends that I hung out with and my teammates that were also friends of mine. This made me quickly evaluate myself making me question who I was as a friend, teammate and even a person and I didn’t have the slightest clue of what to do.

I felt that I was becoming a traitor with people who I thought that I had the closest bonds with. I was left so confused and questioned who I was and what I was becoming. I felt as if everyone was upset with me and it was my fault that everything was happening this way and I didn’t know what to do. After a while I basically saw these friends only when I felt like I had to began hanging out with people that I had knew and never hung out with but also finding myself getting in more and more trouble.

Soon after, all this drama that I was involved in was effecting how I was behaving and my class work so my parents finally had enough and made me quit the team. It all worked its way out because shortly after I quit the team, my family decided to move to the other side of the city. I honestly had never really spoke about the exact reason why I had to quit until now. I suppose it might be for the better because it made me realize how much you really needed to balance things out if you wanted to go through school the way that I wanted to.

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