Is It Love?
Jazmine M Hawkins Georgia Perimeter College Abstract This paper explores the findings of multiple researchers’ theories of love? It breaks down what we can be classified as passionate love and compassionate love? What does love have to do with your attention span? Some researches define love scientifically saying that love is a production of a mixture of hormones and chemical reactants while others say love is self-defined and can only be Judged by a person. Also what type of people does love effect? This paper will break down the findings of these questions.
Also, what are the psychological effects on not being loved and what relation does the topic have upon me. We spend our lives craving it, searching for it, and talking about it. Its meaning is felt more than it is clearly expressed. It’s called the greatest virtue. It’s what we call love. So what exactly is love? In scientific terms, love is a mixture of sexual hormones and chemical reactions. Everyone else may view love as deep intimacy or attachment to someone. Either way love is a phenomenon that continues to get researched today. What should you look for in defining love?
My interest arose to this subject when I started to question myself with past relationships. Ill fall head over heels for a guy and the first thought that came to mind was that I’m in love. When that doesn’t work out I would move on to the next guy, things all go well and all of sudden I feel that sense of love again? I begin to question myself? Is this Just a repetition of petty young feelings? Can love be so simple that it can happen over and over again? How do I know if it’s really love, and what is the behavior of falling or being in love.
How would we characterize love today, well its simple. Like vs. Loving. As you know the nature of love has been explored by a number of theorists. Social psychologist Zick Rubin was one of the first researchers to develop and instrument designed to specifically to measure love. According to Rubin, romantic love is made up of three elements one of them being attachment. Attachment is the need to be cared for and be with the other person. Physical contact and approval are also important components of attachment.
This is a feeling that I always felt when I’m in one of my relationships. I was always finding myself wanting to be with my significant other all the time, nothing or no one could interfere with that. The question that may arouse ere is it that a sign of attachment or obsession, can this be a sign of love. The next element is caring, which is valuing the other person’s happiness and needs as much as your own. This too was also a factor of my past relationships. I wanted to see y other smile as much as me, but isn’t this something that a lot of people want?
Is this really a main factor of being in love? The third element is intimacy, Sharing private thoughts, feelings, and desires with the other person. In my relationships this is one thing that I lacked. Although I have no problem with sharing deep thoughts and intimacy I felt that my partner did. Is this why I question the thought of love so much, because I felt I was receiving what I was giving? Other theories have also been put into place Psychologist Elaine Hatfield has described two different types of love, compassionate love and passionate love.
Compassionate love involves feelings of mutual respect, trust and affection, while passionate love involves intense feelings and sexual attraction. Hatfield describes passionate love as such “A state of intense longing for union with another. Passionate love is a complex functional whole including appraisals or appreciations, subjective eelings, expressions, patterned physiological processes, action tendencies, and instrumental behaviors. Reciprocated love (union with the other) is associated with fulfillment and ecstasy.
Unrequited love (separation) with emptiness, anxiety, or despair”. In other words passionate love can sometimes blind what’s really there in a relationship. For example when my and my ex would argue over the phone it would get really intense, I would say I hate you , he would say he hates me and things come crashing down. Once, however when we unite again all that goes away. A simple hug, iss or anything can make those entire rash feelings go away completely. Having a passionate love connection may not be as emotional as compassionate love but in fact it still is love.
There are a view factors that affect passionate and compassionate love. One being Timing, you have to be ready to fall in love that is essential. It’s been many situations where I had to pass up a relationship simple cause I wasn’t ready to fall in love again. The next is early attachment styles. Secure attachment individuals normally have a deeper love connection while those who are anxious lovers tend to all in and out of love quickly. After finding this I quickly discovered the main problem with my love patterns. I’m anxious!
Once I start a relationship I’m always anticipating what would happen in my next relationship or how can I do things differently in another relationship. We will discuss more of this later. The third factor is Similarity. This basically means that we tend to fall deeper in love with someone who is as good looking personable or affectionate as we are. A since of completion is what I like to call it. When falling in love with someone you want it to be a person that completes you. I find myself not feeling completed in my relationships which is why I may tend to move on quickly.
While passionate love is intense, researchers have looked at how relationships grow among new couples, newlyweds and those married for a longer time noticed that while passionate love is more intense at the beginning of relationships, it tends to fade way to compassionate love which focuses on intimacy and commitment. Passionate love may be quick to fade, but compassionate love is forever. There are some contradictions that may cloud your Judgments on love. Can passionate Judgments cloud your compassionate Judgments? Those feelings that you think you have may not really be there.
You may be so physically attracted to your “lover” that you may settle for unacceptable behaviors in your relationship. Another contradiction is attention. Attention refers to how we actively process specific information present in our environment. Your attention span can deeply affect your judgment on love. It also has something to do with anxiousness, it’s a close relation. Lastly is your attachment style which I mentioned before. As you know attachment is a special emotional relationship that involves an exchange of comfort, care, and pleasure.
John Bowlby devoted extensive research to the concept of attachment, describing it as a “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings. ” Bowlby shared the psychoanalytic that early experiences in childhood have an important influence on development and behavior later in life. Our early attachment styles are established in childhood through the infant relationship. Characteristics of attachment include proximity maintenance which is the desire to be near people that we are attached to. Safe haven, which is returning to the attachment figure for comfort and safety in the face of fear or threat.
Secure base which is how the attachment figure acts as a base of security from which the child can explore the surrounding environment. And lastly separation distress, anxiety that occurs in the absence of the attachment figure.