When you grow up, you believe everything people tell you. For the most part, they tend to turn out true, but as soon as we find out something is not, we feel like our world starts crashing down.
The summer before my junior year of high school, my world came tumbling down around me. I went into summer feeling free and jubilant, and came out depressed and lonely. My dad had cancer and God did not do anything to stop it.
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So how could he exist?
For months, the news hung staley in the air. The fear of unspoken words kept my family apart. We cautiously made our way through an unforged path.Then, as soon as we thought the skies were starting to clear, misfortune struck again.
Two close family members died from a cruel and hateful world. Two close family friends also died. They died from ungodly diseases. And again, God did nothing to stop it. So how could he exist?
During this time of my life, I went into a dark state of depression. I didn’t get enough sleep, I ate poorly, and I felt dead on the inside. I bottled all of my emotions up inside, and I didn’t let anyone past my titanium walls. In return, I grew bitter. I no longer acted like the cheerful, happy Kelly my friends and family had grown to love. And unsurprisingly, God did nothing to stop this. So how could he exist?
After nearly a year with these feelings and a miraculous recovery on my dad’s part, i gave up. I wanted my life back. I wanted my friends back, but most importantly I wanted me back. So I took action. I fought for my sanity, and I came back better than ever. i took time out of each and every day to get to know the god I had once lost. I realized though he was never gone in the first place. He stayed with me every step of the way.
Finding what I had lost proved itself greatly difficult, but it probably saved my life. Who knows where I might have ended up after staying lost for such a long time.