Metal 101

8 August 2019

Possibly the loudest, greasiest, most intense and by no comparison, the most explosive genre, metal has branched out into an almost unbelievable spectrum and way out of my mentality’s reach. It is a multitudinous hodgepodge of amazing, awe-inspiring, god-forsaken, obscure and just straight up unnecessarily named subparts. You’ve got your black metal, death metal, doom metal, folk metal, funk metal, glam metal, gothic metal, groove metal, industrial metal, neo-classical metal, nA? metal, post-metal, power metal, progressive metal, sludge metal, speed metal, stoner metal, thrash metal, alternative metal, avant-garde metal, Christian metal (what?), extreme metal, NWOBHM, rap metal, symphonic metal, math metal, Viking metal, some oddball band that only sings about zombies…and my train of thought has been derailed. There’s enough diversity to push out the lonely term aˆ?metal’ into oblivion. Despite it’s diversities, you’ve still got your misconceptions about the genre. While most of you would believe this is full of pyros, tight pants, sagging pants, Swedes, Finns, Norsk Arysk Blak Metal! (Rahhh!!), sociopaths, flesh eating, some dragons and maybe even a little bit of disco, they’re only misconceptions, right?

Well, however you fancy your cup of br00tal tea, metal will transform every single one of the genres fathomable to date into a world of BOOOM!!!!!! ENTER THE SUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!!! FATHER, MY ADOLESCENCY IS AGONNNNNYYYYY!!!!!!! RAH!!!!!!!!! TRY TO UNDERSTAND ME WHILST I COUGH UP MY AORTA!!!!!!!!!

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