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It seems that I become serene in the most unexpected of times. This can be aggravating, because when I actually try to center myself I feel a visceral rebellion. Though I suppose I should not complain about surprise serenity, as the alternative would be constant chaos. I can tend to gravitate to stress and affliction, but something greater than me has other ideas. Even with a desire to hold on to anger, the gratitude can be too hard to ignore.
During school, each step is begrudging. The walls are suffocative. I watch the clock painstakingly. It is not the case that I despise school. Six hours straight of academics for obligatory courses dictated by the proverbial “them” just gets to me. When the last bell of the day rings, I traverse over into another kind of life. Just beyond high school doors, I feel inspired, important, moved and humbled. There are days this feeling lingers, and others where it will dissipate just as quickly as it comes.
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This particular day was difficult to get through. I was looking very forward to getting home and undertaking the rest of my day with my own intentions. I had no plan how I would get home, but usually a simple phone call suffices. Though when I called my mother telling her I was ready, she told me she was otherwise engaged. I didn’t know who else to call. Stumped, I bitterly began my foot journey home. It would only be a mile, but my backpack was heavy, my feet hurt, and it would take longer than two minutes when I just wanted to get home and relax.
In my walk, I only have to take three turns between the campus and my house. On my way to the first turn, I was conjuring ways to nudge my mom for not being able to pick me up. I continued this spiteful thinking until about two blocks after that first turn. All of a sudden the smell of fresh cut grass crept into my nose. It was a smell I usually reserve for summer, I was caught off guard. I then noticed how green it was outside, unusual for October. As I continued on, I saw flowers still proudly flaunting their magnificent colors, and others rushing to bloom before the climate could no longer contain them. I realized I had yet to see a year so stubborn and reluctant to change. Weeks after the Fall Equinox the chlorophyll clung to the plants. A question developed in my head, “Where would my perspective be if my mom had picked me up?” A smile spread over my face, I tilted my gaze to nowhere in particular and thought, “Thank you.”
In the rushed bustle that my day to day life is, I rarely notice the ever-present beauty and the gifts every moment brings me. My wants get in the way of appreciation, and I forget that I need to ground myself in the now. When moments like this arise the futility of my peevishness becomes obvious. I renew my vow to maintain gratitude towards the world. This sentiment needs to be revived often in my life, and this is why I cherish little moments like this.