Obesity Satire

1 January 2017

Obesity has become a huge problem throughout America. All Americans have quick and easy access to food at any time during their day. From 24-hour fast food restaurants to food stamps, there is no reason to go hungry here in the United States. However, this unlimited access is creating an unhealthy community. American Citizens are finding themselves stuck on their couches because their body weight restricts their movement! Some can hardly walk! Americans need to make change to their daily life styles before this issue becomes any worse than it already is.

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In effort to prevent overweight Americans, we must take a stand. All electronics must be removed from their possession, all motorized vehicles must be removed from the United States, and removing food from our society all together. This is the only way to help Americans fight their battle with obesity. Removing electronics from the possession of Americans will help them lose weight. By confiscating all electronics, Americas won’t be drawn into fatty foods through TV and radio advertisements.

If they aren’t consistently hearing about all the delicious foods that they could be eating, then they are less likely to crave them! They will be less aware of the new restaurants going in around town and won’t know about any specials around their community. This will force people to get off their couches in order to hear about these enticing foods. By eliminating all motorized vehicles from the United States would make it harder for citizens to travel to buy food. They won’t have easy access to restaurants or even grocery stores!

Americans will have to dust off their bicycles and their running shoes and put them to use for once. This motivation will help them burn off all their access weight even faster! Americans will be required to use their own man power as transportation. If they refuse to do so, they will be forced to starve to death. This will not only save the American citizens, it will save the environment at the same time! By abolishing all motorized vehicles, the ozone will stop burning away, and the calories will begin to burn right off fat Americans!

Removing food from America will cause American to scavenge for food just like the cavemen did. This will promote exercise within the community as well as a green lifestyle. By embracing their ancestors, Americans can hunt animals and search for berries if they want to survive. If they choose not to, then they will have to suffer the consequences that they brought among themselves. Without processed, greasy food, America will have no reason to gain weight! The entire population can lose all their excess weight and shed obesity right out of their genetic makeup!

This way, future generations will be less prone to being overweight within their lifetime. Obese America must end! By ridding all American towns and cities of electronics, motorized vehicles, and food we will be one step closer to a skinnier country! We will even be able to grow in population since the citizens will take up less room. This will promote health in current generations as well as future generations. American can finally win this long fought battle by putting these three ideas to use.

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