I find it quite funny and quite straight how the album is titled OK Computer and now I sit in front of my laptop, ready to type this essay repeating the same words as if challenging this little machine. It was quite a surreal experience for something so usual and routine. I was lying in my bed, with my headphones on listening to music for either inspiration or recreation; it was one or the other, but usually they meld in just the same. I thought to myself, “Hey. The weather is perfect for this” and it would be trite of me to put the cliche ‘it was a dark and stormy night’, but it was: an excellent addition to the atmosphere. So I switched the track to the opening song of my favorite album, and I was lying in my bed, with my headphones on listening to OK Computer for the umpteenth time. I’ve done this so many times, liveblogged it and gushed about it, yet tonight in the comfort of my bed, in the darkness beside the window with the gentle noise of pouring rain, my mind my sole company, it became quite surreal. I was listening, not hearing.
My not-so-secret dream has always been to become a musician. My idealist teenager side says that I could be: just submit a couple of CDs to some record company and they would find me interesting, then soon enough I’d be on the radio and touring the world, adding to that all the perks of being a world-famous musician! I smile to myself when I think about it, and start creating scenarios in my head where my pessimistic, realist self invades my dream and whispers something about a one-in-a-million chance of getting into the recording industry. Then my parents would ramble about a starving artist and soon enough, the smile from my face would be slapped away by reality, replaced by discouragement and a renewed fear for the future. It’s quite juvenile of me to set my sights on a particular career path already, and it may not sound good that I have no idea what I want to do with my life yet, but I think it would be even worse if I did. I am but a sixteen year old girl who hasn’t seen even a quarter of what Earth and this life has to offer, but I’ve thought about it for so many sleepless nights… but I digress.
Listening to this album made me want to pursue that dream again. It’s not just the pure technicality of the music, but the unexplainable emotions I could feel through wavelengths and lyrics addressed to no one in particular. Would I even go so far to say that this album led me to question my existence and my standing in this world? Perhaps. And that may sound quite strange, but the strangest things, the little words can lead you to the most mind-boggling experiences. Or maybe I’m just a truly inquisitive person, or a neurotic that over-analyzes everything, maybe even a lunatic unbeknownst to myself, or merely just the same as everyone else who doesn’t know what she is in this life.
My not-so-secret dream has always been to become a musician, and after that altering experience it’s not just for the perks… but to inspire someone’s life, to make that person look deeper into the grand picture of reality through the lyrics spoken through headphones. Or, at the very least, provide a sublime experience when they put my album on and listen to it in the comfort of their bed, in the darkness beside the window with the gentle noise of pouring rain.