Read the essay completely once. Then, read it again taking all of the following into consideration. Be honest, constructive, and appropriate in your comments Read objectively Do not offer comments like “Cool,” Great,” “I liked it,” or anything else that does not include a scholarly explanation or justification for the comment Feedback is important, especially at this critical first stage Help your classmate think outside the box; does what you read bring something to mind? If so, tell them. This is the kind of creative banter that inspires imagination. 1.

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Check the paper’s MLA style – are changes needed to the (make bold your answer): heading? yes/no title? yes/no page numbers? yes/no margins? yes/no font? yes/no page length? yes/no any explanations to these answers? 2. Read the paper from beginning to end for understanding (make bold your answer): Rate the paper on a scale of 1-5 for enjoyment12345 Rate the paper on a scale of 1-5 for understanding12345 3. Locate the thesis statement and copy/paste here: Within John H. Banzhaf III’s essay, “Lawsuits against Fast Food Restaurants Are an Effective Way to Combat Obesity”, there is an overwhelming theme of foregoing personal responsibility.

Banzhaf, an American legal activist, preaches the importance of the public being made aware of the dangers of fast food. However, he seems to willingly overlook the responsibility that the public holds to itself for the sake of frivolous litigation. He himself has stated that improving one’s personal health is dependent on one’s own desire to do so, while pushing lawsuits that plead the ignorance of the public. 1 Banzhaf is often compared to Ralph Nader for his public health advocacy. However, he seems to opportunistically advocate the use of excessive legal action for personal gain, even though he seemed to once stand for the public welfare. Rewrite the thesis statement in your own words here: Banzhaf is an American legal activist, who makes the public aware of dangers in fast foods. However his uses excessive legal action for personal gain, though he appears to stand for the public welfare. The author contradicts himself in

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the public eye about the issues on obesity, with statements of “one’s personal heal is dependent on one’s own desire to do so. ” 4. Look at individual paragraphs (make bold your answer): Does each paragraph build on the main idea(s) of the essay? yes/no Do the paragraphs transition well into one another? yes/no Would you recommend any reordering of sentences or paragraphs to better construct the essay? yes/no Does the conclusion bring this discussion to a logical end without restating word-for-word the thesis? yes/no 5. Consider the supporting textual examples (make bold your answer): Did the writer use examples to support their argument? yes/no Are these claims accurate? yes/no Are any examples properly cited? yes/no Any explanations to these answers? 6. What is this essay’s greatest strength? I enjoyed reading your thesis and conclusion.

I like the use of words to explain your point throughout the entire paper. 7. What is this essay’s greatest weakness? The second paragraph on the introduction may need more back ground information on the author. However I didn’t see any “greatest weakness” in the essay. 8. Say at least one thing constructive to the writer about this essay. I enjoy your way with words, and how the flow of the essay goes, with the disagreement with the author’s point of view. I am currently working on my writing flow as well and visually seeing your essay, creates a new way for me to construct my essay papers in the future.

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