Prewriting, Writing, Revising

7 July 2016

ADMN 233 Assignment 2 Template Assignment 2 Instructions Assignment 2 is worth 15% of your final mark. It should be completed and submitted after you finish Chapter 7 in your textbook. This assignment is divided into three parts, corresponding to the 3-x-3 writing process described in Unit 2 (Chapters 5 to 7) of your textbook. You will complete three activities in each part of this assignment. Part 1: Prewriting (30 marks) Activity A – Analyze a task Activity B – Anticipate an audience’s needs Activity C – Adapt your message to your audience and its needs

Part 2: Writing (30 marks) Activity A – Research a topic and generate ideas Activity B – Organize ideas into a coherent text structure Activity C – Compose a first draft Part 3: Revising (40 marks) Activity A – Evaluate a text Activity B – Organize a text Activity C – Revise a text General Instructions The writing tasks you will complete in this assignment are based on real-world scenarios that describe a variety of situations. 1. Read every activity and scenario carefully in order to understand the problems that the characters encounter and the actions that they take. 2.

Prewriting, Writing, Revising Essay Example

Complete all three activities for each part in sequence. 3. Limit your answers to a maximum of one sentence per mark, unless otherwise instructed. For example, if a question is worth three marks, ensure that you write three complete sentences. 4. Decide what information is important for your reader to know and what is not. You may need to invent additional facts that you consider important to communicate to your reader. 5. Reorganize this information to communicate it to a reader in a clearer and more efficient way. 6. Integrate the lessons you have learned as you complete this assignment.

Review the following pages in the Welcome and Orientation section of this course Web site before you complete this assignment: Marking Guide Questions of Style Applying the 3-x-3 Writing Process Plagiarism Plagiarism is submitting or presenting someone else’s work as your own. It includes copying words from an assignment you wrote in this course into a new assignment; copying your instructor’s comments and presenting them as your own; and copying headings, outlines, sentences, paragraphs, tables, and graphics without permission or citation.

Plagiarizing someone else’s writing is not allowed at Athabasca University. For information about plagiarism and intellectual honesty, consult the following page from the Athabasca University Calendar: http://www. athabascau. ca/studserv/inthonesty. htm. ADMN 233 markers use anti-plagiarism software. The consequences for plagiarism and academic misconduct are severe. If you are caught plagiarizing someone else’s text, you will obtain a zero on this assignment. A letter describing this offence will be appended to your student record. You risk being suspended or expelled from Athabasca University.

Part 1Prewriting (Questions 1 to 11)30 marks Refer as needed to material in Chapter 5 of your textbook. Read the instructions for each activity. Answer all questions clearly and concisely. If possible, include examples to highlight your comments. Activity A – Analyze a task Questions/Tasks 1. What is David’s primary purpose in sending a message to his reader? (Refer to page 95 in your textbook. ) Support your answer with an explanation. (2/2 marks) Davis’s primary purpose in sending a message to his reader is to inform them of the company’s decision regarding the warranty of the car.

This information will be useful to know how to proceed with the claim. 2. What is the secondary purpose of David’s message? (Refer to pages 95 and 96 in your textbook. ) Support your answer with an explanation. (2/2 marks) David’s secondary purpose in sending a message is to promote goodwill and fairness among all customers. Even though David has to communicate a negative message, Hybrid Cars Canada wants to look good and fair in the eyes if its customers. 3. Which channel (e. g. , phone call, e-mail, or letter) is best suited to communicate this type of message?

Explain your answer. Consult Figure 5. 2 Choosing Communication Channels on page 97 in your textbook. (2/2 marks) The channel best suited to communicate this type of message would be a letter. When passing a message onto a consumer a written formality is needed to outline the company’s policy. Activity B – Anticipate an audience’s needs Questions/Tasks 4. Who is (are) the primary reader(s) targeted by this memo? Refer to Figure 5. 3 Asking the Right Questions to Profile Your Audience on page 98 in your textbook to provide an explanation.

(1/1 mark) The primary readers targeted by this memo are Patricia Irving seeing as how she was the one that request the information and Jason Tucker because he is the Chief Information Officer and will have to work directly with the software. 5. Describe your professional relationship with your primary reader(s). Refer again to Figure 5. 3 on page 98 of your textbook. (1/1 mark) My professional relationship with the primary readers is one of an information provider for a product that they’re interested in. As this is an initial communication, our relationship is friendly but formal. 6.

Given your answer to question 5, what tone should your memo convey? Support your answer with examples. Refer to pages 98 and 99 in your textbook. (2/2 marks) My tone should be friendly, positive, and courteous while focusing on empathic communication. For example, using sentences like “Zedex III Solutions software can allow you to manage large amounts of information,” instead of “Zedex III Solutions software is suitable for most small brokerage firms” includes simple language and adds a personal tone to the message. 7. In your opinion, how knowledgeable is (are) the primary reader(s) about the subject of the memo?

Explain. Think about your readers’ knowledge of computer products, accounting systems, and information management prior to sending your memo. (2/2 marks) In my opinion, Patricia Irving would be quite familiar with the subject of the memo, however, she would be lacking in-depth knowledge about the software whereas Jason Tucker, being a certified network analyst, will have extensive in-depth knowledge about the subject of the memo. Seeing as how both my primary readers have different knowledge about the subject, I would have to tailor my memo to make certain that both parties will be able to fully understand. 8.

Should you expect a negative response, a positive response, or a neutral response from your primary reader(s)? (2/2 marks) I would expect a positive response from Jason Tucker but simply a neutral response from Patricia Irving. This is so because it is highly likely that she is simply looking for information for a suitable alternative to her software and therefore has asked other companies to submit memos as well in a search for the best price. 9. Identify your secondary readers and describe their specific information needs. (3/3 marks) My secondary readers are Victor Boudeli, Barbara Miller, and a group of Wascana investors.

Seeing as how Victor Boudeli is the sales director, I would expect that he has extensive knowledge on the subject of the memo, whereas the group of Wascana investors would have a severely limited knowledge about the subject and would require more help understanding the memo. Also, I would expect that since Barbara Miller is the Zedex President, she would have a good working knowledge about the subject but will want to make sure that her [potential] customers are being well communicated with. Activity C – Adapt your message to your audience and its needs Questions/Tasks 10.

What problems should you address in order to make the language of the above memo clearer? Select these from the Checklist for Adapting a Message to Its Audience on page 104 of the textbook. Be specific and support your answers. (3/3 marks) There are quite a few problems that need to be addressed to make the language of the above memo clearer such as using words that are short and familiar but precise and vigorous (the word “acquiesce” is not necessary). ? An appropriate tone should also be used to avoid negativity and express ideas positively (“will be cause for immediate termination!

” is too strong and negative and the memo should instead urge readers to act for benefits [improved safety] as opposed to avoid negative consequences) that avoid gender, racial, age, and disability bias. ?Finally, the memo should have a focus on reader benefits (as opposed to company benefits with reader benefits seemingly an afterthought) by enhancing the “you” view to make the memo conversational but professional.? 11. Rewrite your manager’s memo. Think about how expressing yourself positively, courteously, simply, precisely, vigorously, and in a conversational tone will affect your readers’ responses.

Refer to pages 101 to 104 in your textbook. (9/10 marks) Date: Feb. 17, 2010 To: All Operating Personnel From: Management Subject: New Safety Procedures Management has decided to implement a new set of rules and safety procedures for all operation personnel. Previous regulations have been revised and updated so as to reduce the risk of personal injury. These revisions will not only improve safety but will also minimize damage to the company. The new list of mandatory rules and procedures has been posted outside the main doors in Shop A.

These changes are effective immediately and all operation personnel who fail to adhere to these new rules will risk dismissal from the company. Sincerely, The Management Team Much better memo here It’s professional and clear and not unfriendly. Avoiding passive structures is something to watch for. This course encourages an active writing style. For Marker’s Use: Part 1 Subtotal: 29 /30 Part 2Writing (Questions 12 to 19)30 marks Refer as needed to material in Chapters 6 and 7 of your textbook. Read the instructions for each activity. Answer all questions clearly and concisely.

If possible, include examples to highlight your comments. Activity A – Research a topic and generate ideas Questions/Tasks 12. Supply three specific examples of the kind of information Mary could gather using formal research methods. Refer to pages 112 to 113 in your textbook. Include the specific formal research methods you would use to obtain this information. (3/3 marks) a. Mary could gather information on tax benefits that Viscounts Hydro Inc. could enjoy if they were to help fund a non-profit organization like EnviroFriends by searching manually through reference books or searching electronically. b.

Mary could also try to find out information about the company’s revenues and budget and how much of it has already been spent (thus how much would be left available to donate) by investigating primary sources. c. Mary could also search electronically for information on the primary contact that she could speak with will writing her proposition and dealing with the Viscount’s foundation. 13. Supply three specific examples of the kind of information Mary could gather using informal research methods Refer to page 113 in your textbook. Include the specific informal research methods you would use to obtain this information.

(3/3 marks) a. Mary could try to gather information firsthand on the company’s policy towards donating to non-profit organizations such as EnviroFriends by interviewing the target company. b. Mary could try talking to her boss and coworkers to find relevant information about past propositions and experiences with companies similar to Viscount Hydro Inc. c. Mary could also try to gather information by looking into files that will show her the organization and content of past propositions to the company as well as and what the company’s response was.

Activity B – Organize ideas into a coherent text structure Questions/Tasks 14. Help Gino organize the topics presented in Scenario 5. Create an alphanumeric or decimal outline for the human resources manual to organize this information logically (i. e. , major title, major component, subpoints). Review outlining formats on pages 114 to 118 in your textbook, especially Figure 6. 3 Two Outlining Formats on page 117. (8/8 marks) Plasto Industries Human Resources Manual 1. 0. Employment 1. 1. Generalities 1. 1. 1. Employee Recruitment and Selection 1. 1. 2. Reference Checks 1. 1.

3. Performance Reviews 1. 1. 4. Maximum Work Hours per Week for Salaried Staff 1. 1. 5. Maximum Work Hours per Week for Hourly Staff 1. 2. Compensation 1. 2. 1. Pay Scale 1. 2. 2. Holiday Pay 1. 2. 3. Overtime Pay 1. 2. 4. Salary Reviews 2. 0. Leaves and Departures 2. 1. Time Away From Work 2. 1. 1. Sick Leave 2. 1. 2. Bereavement Leave 2. 1. 3. Administrative Leave 2. 1. 4. Jury Duty Leave 2. 1. 5. Vacation Leave 2. 2. Departure 2. 2. 1. Resignation 2. 2. 2. Dismissal/Termination 2. 2. 3. Exit Interviews 3. 0. Employee Plans 3. 1. Insurance 3. 1. 1. Healthcare Insurance 3. 1.

2. Accidental Death and Dismemberment Insurance 3. 2. Programs 3. 2. 1. Pension Plan 3. 2. 2. Long-term Disability Program 3. 2. 3. Savings Bond Purchase Program 4. 0. Workplace 4. 1. Policies 4. 1. 1. Verbal Abuse Policy 4. 1. 2. Disciplinary Policy and Procedure 4. 1. 3. Conflict of Interest Policy 4. 2. Rules 4. 2. 1. Sexual Harassment 4. 2. 2. Drugs and Alcohol 4. 2. 3. Personal Telephone Calls 4. 2. 4. Unexcused Absences 4. 2. 5. Parking Restrictions 4. 3. Workplace Environment 4. 3. 1. Workplace Language 4. 3. 2. Dress and Appearance 4. 3. 3. Smoking in the Workplace 15.

Explain and support your reasons for organizing the outline as you did. Address each of the following elements of an outline: sequence, title, major components, and subpoints. (4/4 marks) The title that I chose clearly defines what the outline is about as well as who the intended audience is. The outline is then separated into four major components so as to effectively group related matters together to make it easy for employees to navigate. These major components are then further separated into more clearly and well defined subpoints to further increase the ease of navigation.

These subpoints are then put into a sequence so that the most commonly addressed topics are dealt with at the beginning. Activity C – Compose a first draft Questions/Tasks Refer to pages 121 to 129 in your textbook to complete the following tasks. 16. Clearly, Frida’s draft memo needs to be improved. Find two examples of long sentences that should be divided into shorter ones. Copy these sentences and then rewrite them, explaining how you can make each one clearer by shortening it. Clearly label your work under the headings of Original Sentence, Revised Sentence, and Explanation.

Edit wordy expressions that are unnecessary or information that is off-topic. (5/6 marks) Original Sentence 1: In preparation for the development of the marketing campaign for the Spring/Summer 2010 line, I would like to provide you with an overview of the orders we have placed for the delivery in February 2010 to coincide with “Spring Break” purchases, which have traditionally provided a significant portion of our annual sales, second only out “Back to School” event in the fall, although these events may not be as successful as last year.

Revised Sentence 1: To prepare the marketing campaign for the Sumer/Spring 2010 line, I would like to provide you with an overview of the orders we have placed. We have placed the orders to be delivered in February 2010 to coincide with “Spring Break” sales as they are second only to “Back to School” events in the fall. Explanation: Dividing such a long sentence into two shorter sentences helps separate ideas and increase readability and comprehensiveness. There was also unnecessary and off-topic information in the original sentence that made it hard to follow and understand what the memo was about.

Original Sentence 2: There is a wide variety of styles to choose from—sandals, mules, flip-flops, stilettos, platforms, and boots—and this will be an exciting season for us, especially considering the disappointment of last year, something for everyone. Revised Sentence 2: This is going to be an exciting season for all of us thanks to our wide variety of styles to choose from. With sandals, mules, flip-flop, stilettos, platforms, and boots, there is sure to be something for everyone. Explanation: Dividing such a long sentence into two shorter sentences increase readability and comprehensiveness.

It also allows for the main ideas of the sentences to be clearer thus helps readers to understand the sentences. 17. Copy one sentence from Scenario 6 that is written in the passive voice. Rewrite this sentence using the active voice. Clearly label the old and new sentences as Passive and Active. (2/2 marks) Passive: A meeting has been scheduled for us on Tuesday, November 8, to review the Spring/Summer line by us. Active: We have scheduled a meeting on Tuesday, November 8 to review the Spring/Summer line with you. 18. Copy one sentence from Scenario 6 that contains a misplaced modifier.

Rewrite this sentence to clarify its meaning. Clearly label your sentences as Misplaced Modifier and Clearer Modifier. (2/2 marks) Misplaced Modifier: A meeting has been scheduled for us on Tuesday, November 8, to review the Spring/Summer line by us. Clearer Modifier: We scheduled a meeting for us to review the Spring/Summer line on Tuesday, November 8. 19. Identify two problems in the following example from Scenario 6: “Not to mention the amazing embellishments that are sure to spark the interest of our well-healed clients: flowers, butterflies, crystals, and feathers. ” (2/2 marks)

The first problem is the misplaced modifier (are butterflies our well-healed clients? ). The second problem is that the sentence is a dependent clause and there is no independent clause that allows readers to be able to understand what the sentence is about. For Marker’s Use: Part 2 Subtotal: 29 /30 Part 3Revising (Questions 20 to 28)40 marks Refer as needed to Chapters 5, 6, and 7 of your textbook. Read the instructions for each activity. Answer all questions clearly and concisely. If possible, include examples to highlight your comments. Maintain a “you” view throughout. Activity A – Evaluate a text

Evaluate the purpose, tone, and organization of Walter’s letter. Who is the audience and what is the purpose of the letter? Does it maintain a “you” view? 20. What is Walter Bern’s specific purpose for writing to Mrs. Beaudoin? (1/1 mark) Walter Bern’s specific purpose is to inform Mrs. Beaudoin how she can accumulate points with the Boat Buyers Program (BBP). 21. In one sentence, comment on the tone of Walter’s letter. (1/1 mark) The tone is Walter’s letter is different from beginning to end as it starts conversational and then become more formal. 22. In three sentences, comment on the content organization in Walter’s letter.

(3/3 marks) The purpose of informing Mrs. Beaudion on how to accumulate points should be stated at the beginning of the letter. Doing so would allow the reader to save time, prevent frustration, and set a proper mind frame. Instead of doing this however, Walter takes a long time to get to the point and causes the reader to wonder why she even received the letter. 23. Provide two examples with supportive evidence to describe how the content of the letter is on topic. (4/4 marks) The letter mentions how to collect points by helping a friend or colleague sign up for the BBP program as well as a few other methods.

Seeing as how the purpose of the letter was to inform Mrs. Beaudoin how to accumulate points with the BBP program these methods are appropriate and on-topic. The letter also mentions the enclosed brochure that explains the details of the BBP program as well as information about the BBP card rewards. Enclosing the brochure allows Mrs. Beaudoin to read into further detail on the BBP program and is appropriate and on-topic. Activity B – Organize a text Assess the effectiveness of the letter’s content and organization. 24. Provide two examples of sentences that should be removed and justify your answer. (2/2 marks)

Sentences 1: Your departure date is January 19th, from Miami. The ship leaves dock at 5 p. m. Explanation 1: These sentences provide information that Mrs. Beaudoin should already know, and make it harder to identify the true purpose of the letter. Sentence 2: Please call me if you have any questions and I will be glad to call you back Explanation 2: This letter should end the need for further correspondence 25. Provide two examples where parts of this letter are missing or underdeveloped. (2/2 marks) Sentence 1: The BBP card is the only card you can use to make payments on board the liner. Explanation 1: Since Mrs.

Beaudoin is new to the program she would not know this and could easily miss this information especially since it is only mentioned once and because it is hidden in the middle of a sentence. Sentence 2: You get an extra 50 points if you help sign up a friend or colleague in the BBP program as well. Explanation 2: This idea is underdeveloped because certain questions are not answered like how do you get a friend to sign up? How will the company know that you are the referee? 26. Help Walter reorganize his letter by creating an alphanumeric outline (i. e. , major title, major component, subpoints).

(3/3 marks) Customer Informational Letter I. Opening A. Main idea of message II. Body A. Explanation of main idea B. Additional opportunities III. Closing A. Closing thought Activity C – Revise a text 27. Proofread paragraph 1 of Walter’s letter. Refer to the Checklist for Revising Messages on page 143 of the textbook. Identify four items that need revising. Describe the writing problems these examples demonstrate. Clearly label your sentences as Examples and Problems. (4/4 marks) Example 1: Your departure date is January 19th, from Miami. The ship leaves dock at 5 p. m. Problem 1: Shun redundancies.

These are repetitive phrases. Example 2: Thank you for joining the Boat Buyers Program (BBP) prior to taking your Christmas Caribbean cruise. Problem 2: Tighten your writing. Using compound prepositions increases wordiness. Example 3: We are planning to give you, our valued customer, a special Christmas bonus under this program. Problem 3: Keep it conversational. This sentence uses unnecessary fancy language. Example 4: This cruise will take you and your friends from Miami to Nassau in the Bahamas on the Maiden of the Sea, the newest cruise ship featured by Earth’s Voyages Cruises.

Problem 4: Keep the message simple. Avoid unnecessary information that should already be known. 28. Rewrite Walter’s letter to improve its effectiveness. Cultivate the “you” view and focus on the receiver’s needs. Write an effective version of Walter’s text (Refer to pages 99 and 100 in your textbook. ) Present an effective version of Walter’s text using your own words. Incorporate the analysis you previously completed in questions 20–27 as you follow the 3-x-3 process. Format this text as a professional letter by cultivating a “receiver focus. ” (16//20 marks)

Earth’s Voyages: Discount travel that inspires memorable vacations. May 26 2009 Mrs. Jeanne Beaudoin 7 rue Ste. Therese Ville de Quebec, PQ G2K 9K7 Dear Jeanne, Thank you for joining the Boat Buyers Program (BBP) at Earth Voyages Cruises. We’re happy that you have chosen to travel with us this holiday season, and are proud to offer you exclusive deals available only to members of the BBP program. As you know, your Christmas Caribbean Cruise will take you to Nassau in the Bahamas on the Maiden of the Sea and is scheduled to depart at 5 PM on the 19th of January 2010.

What you might not know however, is that you will be awarded an extra 100 BBP points for simply completing the cruise. It is important to note that the BBP credit card is the only card you can use to make payments on board the liner. To take full advantage of your cruise, you should activate your card by calling 1-800-GO-GO-BBP. You will receive 10 points for every dollar that you spend on board the ship and receive an additional 50 points if you help sign up a friend or colleague to the BBP program. Once you have accumulated enough points, there are many different ways that they can be redeemed: 2,000 points: St.

Lawrence River cruise departing from Montreal 2,000 points: Queen Charlotte Island cruise departing from Vancouver 5,000 points: Caribbean cruise departing from any port in the US 10,000 points: Mediterranean cruise Your BBP points can also be redeemed for discounts on major airlines travelling from your home to the cruise port of departure. Please see the enclosed brochure for further details on the BBP program as well as information about BBP card rewards. You might also be interested in our Alaska section of the brochure regarding our super sales for Summer 2009 Travel Destinations.

We hope that you take full advantage of our BBP program and all the cost savings that it offers. At Earth Voyages Cruises, we are dedicated to serving you so that you can get the most out of our cruises. Sincerely, Walter Bern Public Relations Representative Earth’s Voyages You’ve definitely improved the letter here. The organization is much more logical and coherent and the language and tone both read smoothly. Remember to follow the specific patterns according to the course concepts and examples from the text. Since this is a routine memo, the introduction should clearly indicate the purpose of the letter.

The important point here is to be sure to clearly and directly apply the patterns for the upcoming assignments. This is particularly important for assignment 3, in which the instructions will frequently refer you to specific pages in the text. There are several different patterns that you need to transfer from the course materials and apply into your writing tasks. Conciseness is also something to pay attention to. You can choose and modify what to include in your versions. Outstanding work on this second assignment overall! Please contact us through the Student Support Centre if you have any questions. Kind regards,

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