As I walked into my childhood house in Deer Park I was looking around at what once used to be my home. All these memories came floating around me. I thought to myself what my life would be like if I was still living there. My Mom knew how scared I was about loosing her; she even went as far as making me a promise that would make me feel less worried. Little did I know all promises can be broken.
“Lauren, I know you’re scared, but I am promising you that I will not die, I am going to stay here with you forever. Ok?” my mother promised. I believed her.
Right before my brothers ninth birthday, my mom passed away leaving not only me but my family in the cold. With her being the backbone of our family, we were all left crippled. Once everyone saw how we couldn’t recover, we were forced to separate into the warp-hole of the system. When put into Child Protective Services, your put into a lost hope with no coming out the same.
I knew when my mother passed away that everything would go downhill from there. I just wasn’t expecting it to go so fast. Life shows us many different lessons, many twists and turns, and dead ends. I know this is evident in my life because ever since I moved from my house in Deer Park, I’ve been shown that nothing is secure.
My caseworker in charge of me came by my house to take me away from my father. When we drove off in the car on our way to a foster home, I looked back at my house and I knew everything was going to change.
“One thing you need to know going into these homes, that anything can happen at any time. You can be taken away in just a blink of an eye. I just don’t want to see you latch on to a family and then you’re hurt even more than you are. So just be close, but just remember nothing is permanent.” That was the only good advice I had received that proved to be true. From foster home to foster home, I learned not to depend on others to fulfill my happiness that it could only come from within. Even though I have moved over and over through the last seven years, I never expected to get the support from other families and the wisdom I have today.
Being able to go back to my old house and still remember my childhood and still remember the smell my mothers’ homemade cheese enchiladas was nothing but a treasure to me. All the times we shared as a family that cannot die, or leave me. What I have learned from this experience is that all things are not going to come out as you plan. You just have to pick up the pieces from behind and work with what you got.