The Quest for Self-Identity
I’m on a quest for self-identity. A search for truth. A journey for knowledge. I don’t know where I’m going, but I sure know where I’ve been. I don’t even know if the outcome of my desperate search will be successful, but I like to think that it will lead me to a better understanding of life. Who knows? Tomorrow might change everything’something might happen that will change my whole being, my entire existence. I could find love or hope or happiness. I could be faced with life-threatening conditions, get stuck in the middle of a massive ten-car pileup on the highway, be kidnapped by mass murderers, get framed for a crime I didn’t commit and be thrown in jail, ultimately leading to my discovery of a new found respect for life and the time I have left, that precious time that I will waste away as I complain, moaning and groaning about the small inconveniences I am faced with, those small inconveniences that I will later realize were not worth the time I spent worrying about them. I will later realize that life is short, that I should have used my time more wisely than I did, but I will never regret having used this time the way I already have.
Tomorrow could be the day I find love, the day my soul-mate finds his way into my life’my soul-mate, the person I will spend the rest of my life with, grow old with, share priceless memories with, fight all day with then apologize to before I lay down for bed because I can’t go to sleep angry at him, embrace until my arms go numb, laugh with until I cry and cry with until I laugh. That person who can make me forget any worry on a whim, who can always make me laugh no matter what mood I’m in, who can smile at me when I’m mad at him and make me forget why I was even angry in the first place, who will kiss me passionately day and night and bring me to a state of realization where I see all that I was missing out on before I fell in love.
I might encounter a new face that could become a best friend’someone I can share all my secrets with, who will console me and make me smile when my supposed soul-mate can only bring tears to my eyes, who will gossip with me about the girls we hate because they are too pretty and too skinny, who will keep in touch with me years after we go our separate ways and who will call me on my fiftieth birthday to remind me that she is only forty-five.
The future is filled with endless possibilities that will pass me by, waiting for me to make decisions and choose the correct choices for my life. I can only hope that my quest will lead me in the right direction and show me where I need to be. Right now, though, my journey has only one purpose and that purpose would be to answer the question to which my curiosity has been dying to receive an answer.
Who am I? I am a master of disguise with a degree in apathy. I am a passionate person who is afraid to reveal herself to the world. I am a musician who dreams of standing on a dimly lit stage with nothing but my guitar, a microphone, and my lyrics running through my head, the emotions behind the words colliding with the chords that I softly strum, creating a song that leads the audience to slowly stand one by one as they connect with the music and realize that there is someone else in this world who has loved and lost, who has experienced heartache and pain. I am a sarcastic person with a unique sense of humor. I am a shy and quiet individual; I am always listening rather than talking and I have learned far more in life than most people who can’t go five minutes without saying something. I have larger than life dreams that will only expand as I attempt to quench my thirst for wisdom and knowledge. I am an undercover geek who enjoys playing video games and watching the Sci-Fi Channel when no one is looking. People often tell me I’m good at what I do’I don’t blame them. I can sit and talk about myself all day, but that intimidating question still hasn’t found an answer. I may not be able to say with confidence that I know who I am, that I have found my place in this world, but I do know one thing’life is a journey whose paths run by my front door. All that remains for me is to step out, choose a direction, and go.